The Great Molasses Flood

In January of 1919, the funniest thing to ever happen in the lives of 21 living Bostonians, several horses and a cat occured. They were hit with a 35 mph wall of molasses from a ruptured holding tank near the river. The sticky, brown goo killed all of the previously mentioned, flattened buildings, hospitalized over one hundred people and left North Boston aromatic and delicious.

I first learned about the Boston Molasses Disaster from a show on the Discovery Channel (or Learning Channel, or History Channel; aren't they all the same?) called "Greatest Engineering Disasters." It was the kind of show I watched when I wanted to see bridges collapse. Really though, I only watched the Boston Molasses episode. It clearly was the greatest engineering disaster, and watching future episodes would only leave me disappointed.

I've renamed my blog in honor of the funniest tragedy in America's history. You can read more about the Boston Molasses Disaster here.

Allah Thinks My Hair Is Great

It happened today. I decided to cut my hair. I don't know what pushed me over the edge. Something convinced me to destroy one of the largest afros in Kevin history.

With $20 in my pocket I set out for the campus hair-cuttery this afternoon. I took a picture of myself frowning before I left. I walked around the SAM (Students At Macquarie) building for ten minutes searching for the barber. I never found it. I told myself that it was a sign. Some higher power has determined that it's not time for a haircut yet.

Evening TV Taught Me How To Exploit America

I watched an ABC documentary on American Polarization today. It was obviously made in America, so I was flattered that Australians would care about such an issue. The basic premise was that the current trend in my homeland is for people to live in communities of like-minded people and that discourse among opposing sides was dying. They presented some studies that seemed to explain the phenomena. In short, opinions become more exaggerated when people are in a group of like-minded humans.

I'm trying to figure out how I can translate this information into a swimming pool filled with Jello.

Surf Wax AUS

I wrote the essay below for a print media class here in Australia. The assignment was to right about a quick, chaotic series of events. I chose to write about an experience I had surfing a couple weeks ago.

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Only 15 meters away and approaching quickly was the biggest wave I had ever seen. It came towards me like a building. I paddled like hell.

As the wave came closer, all I could think about was that there was no way I was moving fast enough to catch it. I expected the whole towering mass to collapse on my body, crush me and leave me very dead.

The wave lifted me up out of the water and then the unthinkable happened.

I stood up.

For the brief moment I stood at the highest point of the wave I was on top of the world. I felt like I was flying. It was the most exciting and terrifying moment of my life up to that point.

I went from the top of the wave to the bottom like a bolt of lightning. I was in control. I bent my knees and brushed the water with my fingers. I leaned back to keep my nose from getting pushed under. I could barely contain my excitement when the board slid out from under me. The back of my head was the first thing to hit the water, followed shortly by face, chest, stomach, and legs respectively. This was the part where I would be killed.

Water rushed on all sides of me. I was pushed, pulled, twisted and mangled. I bounced across the ocean floor. I was a piñata. The rope around my ankle jerked my leg from side to side, disjointedly pulling me towards the beach.

And then everything was still. I opened my eyes and exhaled the air from my lungs. I was still underwater. I looked around, searching for the sky. I felt for my leg rope to make sure my board was still attached and then climbed it to the surface.

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The gist of the story was true. It was my first time standing on an unbroken wave. What happened afterwards was greatly exaggerated. That wave did give me a run for it's money, but the stuff about not knowing which way was up didn't happen. I read about that on surf message boards and decided it fit well in my story.

Today I battled and lost to a much larger wave and can now explain, with authority, what it's like to get your ass kicked by the ocean.

After drifting behind the wolf pack of seasoned surfers, I found myself to be the only one in position to catch what looked like a pretty good average-size wave. Somewhere in between me making the decisions that it was average-sized, and that this was a good idea the wave grew into a monster. It was an immense wall of water. That didn't deter me; I was still convinced this was a good idea.

I didn't even get as far as standing up this time. The wave picked me up and I managed to catch it. I flew down the crest of the wave. I pressed my arms against the board and threw my body up in an attempt to stand. I didn't stand. Although I'm not sure what happened instead, some of the onlookers may know. Regardless, I was no longer in control of my arms and legs as the wave whipped me around and juggled me under the current. At one point the wave had me kick myself in the ass, the result was a pretty massive leg cramp.

"I should have stretched," I thought as I summersaulted through the water.

When things finally calmed down I didn't know which way was up. I was excited by this sensation because I had read about it and it made me feel more credible as a surfer. Finding the surface wasn't difficult though. I wasn't sure if my board was attached to my ankle, not having noticed it in a while, but found it quickly when it hit me in the head upon surfacing. I couldn't stop smiling as I paddled back to the beach. If it wasn't for my leg cramp I would have given it another go.

On a side note, I've been going to Bondi Beach this week instead of Manly. Bondi has the reputation of being full of the most attractive people in Sydney. And, every time I go there, it is.

Hi There.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately. "Voraciously" would be the word I would use to describe the way I've been reading, if I didn't think it sounded pretentious. But there, I guess I've gone and done it anyway.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, mostly wikipedia, newspapers and alternative weeklies. Despite the amount of reading I've been doing, I've done virtually no writing. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't start writing, and I think it's time, if I seriously want to be a writer, that I start writing. So this will be my forum for whatever style of writing I feel like, be it stories about my life, current events criticism, comedy, poetry (but probably not poetry), etc. It'll also allow me the self-serving function of someday looking back on the things I was thinking about at various times. That is, of course, if I manage to keep this running for more than a couple days.

Anyways, dear reader, enjoy my attempt at something constructive and (hopefully) entertaining.